Lost In A Fog Of Grey.

Music: Ginny Owens - Fellow Traveller

It’s really quite hilarious, seeing me sit at the table counting the notes slowly and using a pencil to scribble down the note it represents.

I’M SUCH A FREAKING NOOB, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.

It just seems like last week that I was the one of the better sight-readers in my organ class; one of the better organists, even. (Of course, we all know it was nearly 6 years ago that I quit organ lessons.)

Now, I have to resort to this to play a piece?!

Maybe it was because I only discovered my passion for music later on in my teenage years, that caused me to regret ever giving up lessons. Frankly, though, just reading through my old diaries, I didn’t really understand what the heck I was doing then. ;/

My parents signed my oldest brother up for organ lessons in the beginning, because he’s probably the most musically inclined in my family. As a young child, whatever my brother had, I also HAD to have. So I pleaded and begged my mother to sign me up for the classes too. So then, I started attending the organ lessons.

I was pretty good, initially. If I’m not wrong, I took the organ examinations from Grade 13 to Grade 9. Then my teacher preparing me for my Grade 8 examination said I was too lazy, absolutely unprepared for the examination.

In other words: Don’t waste your money on her anymore. She doesn’t want to learn.

4 grades, and I already gave up. Unbelievable. -.-

One thing I loved about organ lessons was that my teacher would always let us practise on our improvisation. And I always had fun, fast-paced songs that I absolutely loved playing back then.

Until I just completely lost interest in organ lessons.

Sighs. Now, I’d like to play piano pieces well. Of course, that’s possible. But it takes SO much to even play a simple piano piece. ;/ I have to scribble down note by note, practise like mad, and try to memorise the notes as soon as possible.

I often play by ear, especially when it comes to simple Japanese piano pieces. When it comes to those complicated ones, I have to print out the score and do the note-by-note scribbling. It’s so humiliating when I ask my friend to play the song for me, and she goes:

” Why are you writing all the notes one by one? Cannot read meh?”

Then she erupts into hysterical laughter. -.-

It’s mean, especially a particular someone who keeps making fun of my inability to read notes efficiently. Zzzz.

Sighs. I love music so much. It’s the only thing I can turn to to make me feel better sometimes. ;/ Yet the frustration builds up when I’m unable to enjoy the music while playing the piano.

My mother seems rather skeptical of my music-dreams.

me: Mommy, I’m thinking of re-taking piano. ;/ I really wanna play.

mom: Sure, but you better not give up halfway. Think it through properly.

=(

I want to learn to play the piano again, Mom. I promise I won’t give up halfway. I really want this so badly. I can’t pick it up on my own. I need to have my basics again. ;/

Sighs. Someone teach me, please? =(

Everyone else is too busy to sit down with me and play, so I just have to ask people like Val, PY and JM to play these scores just so I can listen to it. ;/ It sucks. And at the end of the day, I don’t get to do anything but just watch the pianists play the music for me. ;(

I’ve given my whole collection of J-anime scores to JM before for him to play, but he took home and never played for meeee! T.T Ah, I guess I didn’t ask him to play for me either. ;/

I’ve only been able to successfully play ONE entire J-anime song without any help from anyone. And it took me a week to work out all the kinks. -.- Damn. People play in an hour and I take a friggin’ week.

I’m so frustrated. Can’t finish my holiday homework.

This holiday felt like it was the shortest I’ve ever been through. Guess it’s probably cause I went to India and Indonesia for nearly the whole of November. Also, CCA played a huge part, as usual. This sucks. I have my O’s next year and we have to prepare for stupid concerts.

Like I said, OVER-AMBITIOUS SCHOOLS.

In over their heads, seriously. They keep talking about our O level average being as good as other schools, but we are NOWHERE near them.

-stabs the air agitatedly-

Sighs.

Nevermind.

;/ I’m going to hate going back to school.

~ by heatpines on December 29, 2007.